It’s never good when a team of doctors come together to sit on the edge of your bed. An OBGYN, oncologist, surgeons and radiographer. I thought I was waiting for my pathology results, not an intervention.
Their silence was deafening, coupled by their solemn faces and closed body language, I knew my life was about to detour down a road I had been vigilantly resisting.
Dr Y sat, staring though the photo collage of my two and four-year-old, as he slowly turned to me, finally breaking the chocking silence within the room.
The good news Lisa, is your pathology results show that we have removed all the cancer in your cervix. You were lucky, because with stage-four cancer, this is difficult to achieve. However, we want to be 110% sure we have got it all and would like to do six weeks of radiotherapy,
we have come together today to let you know that you can never get this disease again! After two aggressive forms of cancer, your body has endured all the treatment it can. IF YOU GET THIS DISEASE AGAIN, THERE WILL BE NOTHING WE CAN DO!
Without hesitation, something rose from within. For the first time in my life, I allowed my internal voice to take control. With the body of an 8-year-old and the power of a phoenix she said: “Get up! Stand up! You have two small children who need you, you will do whatever it takes to survive.”
And so, I did. For the next 10 years, I spent the 10,000 + hours necessary to qualify as an expert on the internal voice.
Whatever she said, I did: Changed the neural pathways in my mind, became vegetarian, healed the conditioned suffering as a kid, studied Buddhism, released the vocal dissonance within my physical voice and transformed my house into an organic sanctuary.
The greatest challenge was to feel the fear and do it anyway. My daily objective was to align with my values, beliefs and desires. To stop allowing my mind to give me a sense of self. To stop revelling at the inner conflict, turmoil and physical pain that was spinning me out of control.
As a mother, moving beyond the mental torture of what could be perceived as selfishness, I had to make some difficult choices that would affect their lives. However, if I chose to repeat the same patterns, ignoring my truth, my spirit would slowly die; leaving my children on this earth alone. The alternative was to heal, be brave enough to believe in myself, trust my gut and align with my truth, ensuring I will still be here to see my grandchildren.
My health and my children won. In December just passed I was told “you are CURED”! I was finally free. I had empowered my spirit, moved beyond my conditioning to align with my purpose: To help unlock the potential that lies within others.
I want to say to my two teenage children today, on Mother’s Day:
I’m still here. I still have the privilege of being your mother. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for any pain I may have caused you by making the necessary changes to ensure I am still here for you. I know it’s not easy having a pig-headed stubborn mother like me. And I know it’s hard for you when I must do things differently to other mums.
I hope that my strength has taught you to never be afraid of speaking your truth. Always feel the freedom to express yourself in this beautiful and exciting world. Fight for what is right for you and the greater good of your fellow man.
By finding my inner voice, tonight, I get to watch you sleep and tomorrow I get to watch you fly. This is my greatest Mother’s Day gift.